Before you read this article, have you read these 5 books? Get the reading list to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

 

There is a golden thread of wisdom that has run through the past 2,000 years, from the Stoics to social media influencers: the company we keep sets the standard for the type of person we become.

“It is a true proverb, that if you live with a lame man, you will learn to limp.”
― Plutarch, First Century AD

“Tell me with whom you associate with, and I will tell you who you are.” – Johann Wolfgang von Goethe, 1800

“You are the average of the five people you spend the most time with.” ― Jim Rohn, 1990

We may understand this in theory, but if we take a hard look in the mirror, can we honestly say our behavior aligns with what (or who) is best for us?

How often do we succumb to the “nice guy/girl” approach where we tolerate everyone, even at the expense of our own sanity? How often do we stoop down to the level of those who want nothing else than someone to validate their nonsense?

In elementary school, we were encouraged to be friends with all of our classmates. At work, we are told to accommodate to everyone at the office, even the people who thrive on their own misery.

We might shrug off encounters with less-than-desirable acquaintances—after all, it’s only a few minutes our hours out of our day. But there are hidden costs to associating with toxic people, regardless of how long they’re around. They chip away at our sanity. They dull our spirit. Toxic people are no different than physical illnesses: they latch onto anyone they can and neutralize their good qualities.

In his book, The Laws of Human Nature, Robert Greene notes that our best defense against toxic people “is to be armed with knowledge…to notice the signs earlier on, and to not get involved or to disengage from them as quickly as possible.”

With that said, here are four types of people to avoid at all costs.

The Crybaby

You might initially empathize with this person as they reel you in with stories about wrongdoing against them. But if you pay close attention, you’ll notice a pattern: they are always the victim, no matter the circumstances. The world is out to get them. If you suggest they take accountability for their situation, they interpret it as a personal attack—you are suddenly part of the problem. There is no use in offering solutions to a crybaby. They take greater pleasure in misery than action.

The Drama Queen/King

If you’ve ever been dragged into a romantic saga or office conflict and wondered how or why you got involved, you’ve dealt with a Drama Queen/King. They have a knack for storytelling, making it easy to get sucked into their world as if you’re watching a movie. They can be fun in doses because of their entertaining qualities, but embroiling yourself in their everyday theatrics is a recipe for exhaustion.

When you deal with a Drama Queen/King, every conflict, no matter how trivial, is amplified to the highest degree. Nothing can be dropped. You must always take their side, lest you become the protagonist in their next saga. You might feel guilty for not getting involved, but you’ll save yourself priceless time and mental energy in the long run.

The Leech

This person is usually more charming and strategic than those around them, making them difficult to ward off. The warning signs of a leech are easy to spot: they will ask for “a quick favor” or “a minute to pick your brain.” And why should you say no? They’re not asking for much and you’re just trying to be helpful. But these seemingly insignificant requests are almost always a mask for some ulterior motive: once they get a foot in the door, their favors will increase in size and complexity. Before you know it, you’re putty in their hands. Leeches usually won’t go after your money, but instead will rob you of your time and energy (which are more valuable.)

The Slacker

Laziness, like a drug, is addictive and destructive—and the Slacker is the needle you shoot up with. Associating with people who couldn’t care less about doing anything worthwhile with their life makes it seem okay to do the same. When dealing with a Slacker, you’ll catch yourself thinking things like, I’ve done enough to take a break; I’ll just do it tomorrow; I guess it won’t hurt to sleep another hour and so on.

Slackers are the most dangerous if they live with you. They tempt you with all kinds of mindless entertainment, junk food, and shortcuts while making you feel guilty for having any traces of ambition or discipline. Make a clean cut from him or her and watch your productivity and mood improve simultaneously.

Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

Will a hardline conservative stick to his diet if the punishment for eating pizza is a donation to the Democratic National Committee?

If you ask a behavioral psychologist like Daniel Kahneman or Dean Karlan, the answer is yes.

Every January, people across the world set out with grand visions to lose weight, make more money, and improve their lives. But the endless flood of temptations seems to make bridging the gap between goals and action more elusive than ever. By the end of February, some 80% of resolutions are abandoned while a mere 8% of people actually achieve their goals.

Such a dramatic inconsistency calls for a dramatic solution: blackmail—and it’s backed up by psychology.

In his book, Thinking: Fast and Slow, Daniel Kahneman points out that the pain of loss is twice as potent as the pleasure of gains. For example: most of us would rather not lose $100 than find $100. In the same vein, Dean Karlan’s findings on goal setting show that the success rate of goal achievement with nothing at stake is a mere 33.5%. However, when someone puts money on the line, that success rate jumps to 72.8%.

“If you were to sum up the last 50 years of behavioral psychology in two words: it would be: ‘logic fails,’” says Tim Ferris. “No matter how good a plan is, how thorough a book is, or how sincere our intentions, humans are horrible at self-discipline. No one is immune. The smartest, richest, and most dedicated people abandon commitments with disgusting regularity.”

If you’re serious about getting shit done in 2019, you need to raise the stakes and put your skin in the game—and there’s no better way to do that than blackmailing yourself.

Here’s how it’s done:

1. Choose a challenge

Make it specific and give it a deadline.

Bad goal: “Run more”

Good goal: “Run 10 miles every week”

Bad goal: “Start a blog”

Good goal: “Write 300 words every day”

2. Find someone to blackmail you

Your blackmailer will hold you accountable throughout the duration of the challenge by checking in daily. That being said, don’t choose pushover who will tolerate your excuses. Your best option is someone who knows you but is rather indifferent: maybe a coworker or a neighbor.

3. Set the stakes

Now, you’ll decide the consequences if you slip up or fail. This should be fun for the blackmailer, but scary for you. If you’re placing a monetary bet, you should put up at least 1% of your annual pretax income. This means:

$30,000 pre-tax income → wager $300 or more
$50,000 pre-tax income → $500 or more
$75,000 pre-tax income → $750 or more
$100,000 pre-tax income → $1,000 or more

If you really want to put your back against the wall, take this a step further and commit to sending the money to a cause you hate. Are you liberal? Pledge your money to the NRA. Conservative? Pledge it to Planned Parenthood.
There’s no limit to how creative you can get here, as long as the punishment is costly enough to make you squirm.

4. Make a contract and cut the check

Write out your agreement and make sure you and your blackmailer both sign it. Here’s a template to follow:

If I don’t [insert task] by [specific date], I will [insert punishment].

Now, fork over the money to your blackmailer. It’s crucial that you exchange the money up front so you’re not tempted to call it quits halfway through the challenge.

Want your money back? Reach your goal.

Purpose facilitates action. It’s incredibly difficult to justify pain, discomfort, and sacrifice without anything at stake. Waking up early, working out, and making money sound great in theory, but if there are no tangible consequences for abandoning those commitments, it makes falling off the wagon seem like no big deal.

Sheer willpower isn’t enough to curb complacency. With the stakes raised, however, your energy will rise to the occasion.

Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

I hate math, but if I had to make a rough estimate, I’d say I wrote between 500 and 1,000 words a day this year. Jerry Seinfeld once said to find the torture you’re comfortable with, and I’m incredibly lucky to have found it sooner in life rather than later.

Anyway, here’s everything I wrote in 2018 (minus ghostwriting and other projects with non-disclosure agreements) categorized by outlet:

Here (my website):

15 Quotes to Help You See Through the Bullshit in 2018

You Should Skip Class to Read a Book

Some People Crumble When Shit Hits the Fan – Here’s How to Prepare

My School is Upset About Washington Redskins Underwear When Local Kids Are Going Hungry

4 Sustainable Ways to Increase Your Attention Span (Without Adderall)

Richard Spencer and the Alt-Right Have the Cheat Code for Getting Attention – And We’re All Feeding into It

This Lesson I Learned from a 75-Year-Old Man Might Earn You a Career

Why This Artist Created a Giant Rendition of Donald Trump’s Face – and Left Half of it Blank

Why Do We Want the Things We Want? This Theory Might Surprise You

The Bacon Bonanza: Pointless Technology and the Illusion of Progress

Forget About ‘Life Hacks,’ You’ll Thank Yourself Later: An Exclusive Interview With WSJ Best-Selling Editor James Ranson

Hesitant to share your work with the world? You’ll have zero excuses after reading this.

There’s a guy inside me who wants to lay in bed and eat donuts all day – these 3 lessons help me outsmart him.

Don’t Imagine Your ‘Best Life’ – It’s a Trap

5 life-changing books that are cheaper than a Pumpkin Spice Latte

Jerry Seinfeld’s Unusual Career Advice Will Make You Rethink Everything

‘Just doing your job’ is a recipe for failure. Try this instead.

The Next Web

The Facebook ad-pocalypse is coming, so spend your budget on creativity

Elasticity

Three Immutable Branding Lessons That ‘Seinfeld’ Taught Us

Why I Chose Elasticity

This Instagram Ad Trick is Deviously Brilliant, But is It Legal?

Want to Build a Better Brand? Start With a Chainsaw

Authentically Inauthentic: Ohio State and Coach Urban Meyer Swing and Miss at Pathetic Presser

The Creative Breakthrough Behind Elton John’s ‘Rocket Man’ – And What You Can Learn From It

Want More Media Coverage? Treat Reporters Like Human Beings.

MySTL

Meet Adam Wayne: The St. Louis Photographer with a Story as Impressive as His Pictures

Mango Has Been a St. Louis Staple for Nearly a Decade – Here’s Its Recipe for Success

9 Facts About Lime: The Brand That’s Revolutionizing Transportation in St. Louis

Maryville University’s New Media Project Shows Students What Downtown St. Louis Has to Offer

Welcome Back to Downtown, Fair St. Louis

Leslie Sanazaro Is Building Upon St. Louis’ Booming Music Scene

Humans of St. Louis Prepares to Publish a Book About Talking to Strangers

Three Run Four Turns Happy Hour Into a Workout

Alexander Nicolazzi’s “Bomber Jackets” Are a Beer Lover’s Dream

Siba’s Downtown St. Louis Campus Extends Beyond Its Doors

Sofar Sounds Puts the Magic Back in Live Music

Cycle Saloon Puts a Twist on Tourism in St. Louis

Bella’s Frozen Yogurt Is Back and Better Than Ever

The Musial Awards Aim to Establish St. Louis as the Capital of Sportsmanship

Downtown St. Louis’ First Public Art Master Plan Unveiled

Lace Up—It’s Time for Winterfest at the Arch

4 Hot Spots for Hot Chocolate in Downtown St. Louis

6 Fun Places to Celebrate New Year’s Eve in Downtown St. Louis

2019 in Downtown St. Louis: 5 Big Things to Look Out For

Medium

I rewrote Facebook’s privacy policy to clear things up (you won’t want to miss this)

8 Books That Will Make You Want to Put Your F****** Phone Down

My Pilgrimage to Whole Foods: America’s Most Pretentious Grocery Store

The most obnoxious types of people on Instagram ranked from worst to least worst

College Info Geek

Silver-Medal Mentors: Mastering the Art of 21st-Century Apprenticeships

11 Key Lessons from Books You’ll Never Be Assigned to Read

The One Question to Answer When Choosing a Career

How to Overcome Test Anxiety – 5 Strategies That Work

21 (Creative) Answers to Common Interview Questions

How to Improve Your Memory: A Comprehensive, Science-Backed Guide

Modern Stoicism

Coffee Is Just Hot Bean Juice: Radical Objectivity and Stoicism

Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

Last year, someone a lot smarter than me said that when young people begin their careers, they have to remind themselves of the NOGAS Principle every day: no one gives a shit.

You graduated with honors? Nice.

You studied abroad for a semester? Great.

You played a Division I sport? Congratulations.

Universities typically fail to address that once you’re in the trenches at your new job, the people that actually matter couldn’t care less about your resume. They’re too preoccupied with keeping the ship afloat, staying out of the red, and making sure their employees don’t kill each other in the process.

It’s like a youth baseball prodigy getting called up to the Big Leagues. His team, the media, and most importantly the front office, doesn’t care that he cranked 30 homers in A-ball – the only thing that matters is what he can offer right here, right now.

When you get the proverbial call-up to a job, the easiest thing to do is rest on your laurels, assuming that everything you’ve learned and accomplished in 20-something years is enough to fuel you until your golden years. You got your desk, a steady paycheck, and a sweet benefits package – just do your job and the rest will take care of itself.

The only problem is that’s all bullshit.

It’s tempting to hold your cards close to your chest early on. You get your assignments, and because you were conditioned for 4+ years to regurgitate and repeat, your gut says just do your job – don’t question the process or poke the bear. Just plug away.

Before long, we forget that real value comes when we transcend the job description. We’re so preoccupied with “doing the job” that we shell up, cutting ourselves off from valuable information. In other words, being too good at following rules creates more problems than it prevents.

The world has enough people who know how to follow directions – you can’t afford to let yourself get buried in the crowd. Being ignored is a worse fate than just about anything, including failure. To climb out of that hole, you’ll need to court attention (without being an asshole.)

Here are some thought starters:

Become an idea machine.

Bring something to the table. Anything. You can share 364 shitty ideas in a year – all it takes is one to prove you’re worth more than your paycheck. Just don’t expect to take credit when they use it.

Bring outside information in.

This can be books, articles, or emerging trends that could have an impact (positive or negative) on your team. Again, don’t expect credit.

Make other people look good.

This isn’t about being a kiss-ass. It’s about prioritizing somebody else’s needs over yours and understanding how that works in your favor. As Ryan Holiday says, “The person who clears the path ultimately controls its direction.” And in case you forgot, don’t expect credit.

Whether you’re managing a coffee shop or a hedge fund, there’s always something to gain from going beyond the job description, even if it’s just lessening the fear of rejection by speaking up. The long-term goal is to become what Seth Godin calls The Linchpin – the guy or girl that’s too valuable to let go.

The more you’re relied on, the more freedom you have.

Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

Before you read this article, have you read these 5 books? Get the reading list to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

Milton Erickson woke up one morning and couldn’t move his arms or legs.

The year was 1919 and Erickson’s family doctor diagnosed him with polio. Within weeks, the paralysis overtook his entire body, leaving him motionless and bedridden. The only things under his control were his eyes and mind, allowing him to do nothing except scan the confines of his bedroom.

“The boy will be dead by morning,” he overheard the doctor tell his mother one evening.

As he sat in his chair one afternoon, Erickson felt a small twitch in his thigh, his first physical sensation in months. He had heard about miraculous recoveries from polio, so he began an experiment.

Each day, Erickson attempted to reestablish the connection between his mind and body by focusing intently on a single muscle in his leg. While he did this, a nurse would manipulate the muscle. Some days the muscle would twitch. Other days were hopelessly unproductive.

After years of this unbearably slow process, Erickson somehow restored motion to his body, one muscle time. Within a decade he was functioning at full capacity. Erickson went on to become one of the most influential psychiatrists of the 20th century, most notably for his insight into the powers of the unconscious mind. He lived to be 78 years old.

Milton Erickson’s recovery reminds us that real, sustainable progress is painfully slow and boring as hell, an often-ignored truth in our get-it-yesterday culture. Today, speed and convenience constitute a duopoly that governs every facet of our lives including education (online classes), health (miracle supplements), and work (get rich quick schemes.) Lost amidst the noise is the sober truth that mastery of any task is one of the most un-sexy things you can pursue. As was the case with Erickson, progress has nothing to do with sporadic bursts of inspiration. It’s about consistency: doing the boring, innocuous work that nobody else sees or wants to do — and doing it systematically.

It’s writing 500 words a day instead of attending a seminar promising to make you a bestseller overnight.

It’s busting your ass at the gym and eating clean every day instead of trying Soul Cycle for a month and doing a juice cleanse.

Imagine asking Michael Jordan to define the day he became good at basketball — it’s a stupid question. There wasn’t a single practice or game that defined his legacy. Rather, it was the compound effect of his unrelenting work ethic. Any menial task, whether it’s shooting free throws or resisting a chocolate chip cookie, is useless on its own. But methodically repeating these behaviors transforms us in a way that individual spurts of action cannot.

Soon enough, just like Milton Erickson, we’re up walking.

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Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 7 strategies I stole from marketing geniuses to promote your work.

Like to read and write? Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 11 writing lessons from iconic authors.

Bernie Taupin, Elton John’s songwriter, was cruising down the highway back to his hometown in rural England when the words came to him:

She packed my bags last night, pre-flight

Zero hour: 9 a.m.

And I’m gonna be high as a kite by then

I miss the Earth so much, I miss my wife

It’s lonely out in space

On such a timeless flight

Taupin reached into his glove compartment in search of something, anything to capture the flash of insight. But the glove box was empty: no pen, no pad, no recorder.

The 22-year-old Taupin, veins surging with adrenaline, resorted to his last and only solution: he repeated those 40 words over and over aloud to himself for hours until he arrived at his parents’ house. When his mom and dad approached his car to greet him, he sprinted past them to find the nearest pen.

Those 40 words would become the opening stanza of “Rocket Man,” which soared to the top of the charts upon release and now sits among Rolling Stone’s 500 greatest songs of all time.

You’re probably wondering what any of this has to do with your own creative breakthrough. So, in the words of Kevin Hart, let me explain.

We have a cultural myth that creative breakthroughs are reserved for an elite ruling class of people who wear clear-framed glasses and cardigans in L.A. or New York – as if there’s a vending machine of ideas that requires a secret code. But truthfully, there is no creative director, no composer, no artist who can shift a paradigm on demand. That’s because breakthrough ideas have little to do with structure and everything to do with patience, relaxation, and a bit of luck.

Creativity is, by definition, resistant to formulas and techniques. This is why computers will never supplant artists, writers, thinkers and entrepreneurs. Whether it’s pulling the lyrics to a perennial hit out of thin air or envisioning your brand’s new logo in the shower, there’s virtually no limit to the ideas we can produce. The only downside of those breakthroughs is that they often come when we least expect them, as was the case with Bernie Taupin.

The lyrics to “Rocket Man” fused several influences including Ray Bradbury’s The Illustrated Man, David Bowie’s “Space Oddity,” and Taupin’s own sighting of a shooting star. Taupin struggled to force the lyrics into existence, but it wasn’t until he let his mind wander that those fragments coalesced into a cohesive idea.

We have more than 100 trillion synapses in our brains which give us access to an infinite pool of creativity. The caveat is, of course, we can’t force those synapses to work on demand.

In other words, if you’re desperate for a creative breakthrough, your best bet might be to stop trying and hit the road.

Jerry Seinfeld started his comedy career by taking gigs at clubs that paid him the equivalent of a couple cheeseburgers. The scrappy 23-year-old from Brooklyn had his back against the wall as he carved a path in the New York City entertainment scene – any boos or rejections would hurt his chances of long-term success.

Seinfeld was determined to make it out alive, but his motivation wasn’t cash, women, or even the approval of bigwigs like George Carlin or David Letterman. If that was the case, he wouldn’t have created the most successful television sitcom of all time. So what separated him from the comedians who fell off the wagon?

The answer is in a brown accordion folder.

Jerry Seinfeld has been writing jokes by hand on yellow notebook paper every single day since 1975. To put that in perspective, that’s more than 15 thousand days of writing. Between hundreds of standup acts, the Seinfeld sitcom, and Comedians in Cars Getting Coffee, it’s safe to assume he’s produced upwards of 10 million words.

And you thought comedians just walked onstage, made a few wisecracks, and cashed out.

Seinfeld doesn’t hesitate to say that writing comedy isn’t fun or easy. In fact, it’s torture. But the perverse pleasure he gets from pushing his creative limits is exactly why he’s the most prolific comedian of all time:

“Your blessing in life is when you find the torture you’re comfortable with…You master that, and you’ve mastered life.”

We have this cultural myth that life magically unfolds like some Tony Robbins-esque fairytale after we find work we like. But the truth is that the work never gets easier. You just get better at tolerating the struggle.

A lot of people want “it”: the big paycheck, the beach body, the 4.0 GPA. They’re comfortable with the idea of those things, but they’re uncomfortable with the process and discipline that precedes them.

It’s important to note, however, that tormenting ourselves with arbitrary work just for the sake of having something to do misses the point entirely. Instead, we should pursue the work where we wake up and think, this is going to kick my ass, but I’m ok with it.

It’s Hemingway being okay with rewriting the ending to “A Farewell to Arms” 47 times.

It’s Adele being okay with spending two years reproducing her album.

It’s Kobe Bryant being okay with not leaving the gym until he makes 800 shots.

This makes you think: can you finish the workouts, the projects, the [insert your work here] without throwing in the towel early? I hope so, because the future belongs to the people who can keep plugging away.

Even when it feels like torture.

Like to read and write? Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 11 writing lessons from iconic authors.

I’ve always liked the idea of “investing in yourself.” But it seems like all the talk (online and offline) about self-investment is just that: all talk.

If we have some extra cash, how often do we splurge on clothes, a concert, or a venti PSL instead of buying something that actually moves the needle? At the risk of sounding presumptuous, it always seems like the people who throw temper tantrums about their jobs, or life in general, are the ones who spend money on useless shit that disappears as fast as they swipe the debit card.

On that note, here are five books that I guarantee will add value to your life, even if you only have five dollars to your name.

Letters from a Self-Made Merchant to His Son by George Horace Lorimer

What can you learn from a bunch of fictional letters written by a 19^th-century meat packing millionaire? Pretty much all the advice you need on decision-making, humility, business, and leadership. Though this was written over 100 years ago, many of its lessons run parallel to the messages that modern entrepreneurs preach:

“The man who can make up his mind quick, makes up other people’s minds for them. Decision is a sharp knife that cuts clear and straight and lays bare the fat and the lean; indecision is a dull one that hacks and tears and leaves ragged edges behind it.”

Meditations by Marcus Aurelius

“The best revenge is to be unlike him who performed the injury.”

“The soul becomes dyed with the color of its thoughts.”

These are just two reflections from the journal of Marcus Aurelius, the Roman emperor, in which he documented his quest for inner peace. Despite having power over what was arguably the most dominant empire in history, Marcus Aurelius never allowed authority and luxury to corrupt his common sense. This is a glimpse into his mind.

On the Shortness of Life by Seneca

I don’t know a “philosopher” whose ideas are as relevant to the 21^st-century as Seneca. His advice on wealth, jealousy, power, and happiness are as useful today as they were when he was teaching students in Ancient Greece:

“Envy you’ll escape if you haven’t imposed yourself on other people’s notice, if you haven’t flaunted your possessions, if you’ve learned to keep your satisfaction to yourself.”

Don’t expect a textbook-style philosophy book when you read this. It’s short, easy to understand, and will leave you with a deeper appreciation for the little things.

The Prince by Niccolo Machiavelli

500 years after Machiavelli set out to write a guide for gaining and maintaining political power, The Prince ranks among the most controversial books ever written. Machiavelli gets a bad rap for enabling shysters, svengalis, and other ne’r-do-wells  (hence Machiavellianism), but often ignored are his pragmatic, helpful observations:

“The first method for estimating the intelligence of a ruler is to look at the men he has around him.”

Whether you’re a c-suite executive or a student, The Prince is an essential primer on logic and strategy.

Enchiridion by Epictetus

Born into slavery with a permanent disability, Epictetus devoted his life to the pursuit of inner freedom. Enchiridion (Latin for “handbook) is a synthesis of Epictetus’ practical advice for living unbothered by chatter, expectations, and other nonsense. The wisdom in these 64 pages is more important than ever.

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Like to read and write? Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 11 writing lessons from iconic authors.

Sarah will live her best life in about 15 years. She will marry a handsome, successful man and live in a sprawling suburban home with a pool, an outdoor kitchen, and a golden retriever. She will have three adorable children, and they will vacation as a family in the Caribbean. She will drive a Range Rover around town to meet her friends for dinner and drinks. She will be happy.

But right now, she is on her phone.

Sarah isn’t real, but the life she idealizes is one to which millions of human beings aspire. We don’t have to look any further than Twitter to find swarms of 20-somethings fantasizing about a cookie-cutter suburban lifestyle.

Exhibit A:

 

Maybe there are a few people out there who genuinely want the lifestyle equivalent of painting by numbers. But for everyone else, this desire could just be a symptom of suppressed uncertainty. Having no idea how we actually want our life to turn out prompts us to idealize a hyper-specific version of the future: Everything will be great…as long as I have A, B, C, X, Y, and Z.

Next thing you know, you’re pigeonholed into thinking some puffed-up lifestyle (that you didn’t even come up with) is the only remedy for the insecurity. But in reality, we’re just spinning our tires in the mud, ignoring the hard work of figuring out what a fulfilling life actually is.

“Faced with the anxiety of not knowing what the future holds, we invest ever more fiercely in our preferred vision of that future,” says Oliver Burkeman. “Not because it will help us achieve it, but because it helps us rid us of feelings of uncertainty.”

A couple of months ago I wrote about Rene Girard who noticed that we often don’t know what we want, so we imitate what other people want. If we have no real sense of purpose, it’s easier to just leave our goals on the default setting; we focus on ‘the life’ instead of our life. And even if we get ‘the life,’ the paradox is that you never actually become that person you dreamed (or tweeted) about. Ryan Holiday explained this in a recent article which is worth quoting at length:

Most of us who work very hard or drive ourselves to do things have this idea that when we get it, everything will be different. We’ll feel more whole. We’ll be satisfied. We’ll feel the way we made up in our heads that the people who first inspired us obviously felt. And when we get it? That’s where the awkward truth comes in: You really don’t feel anything different. You’re still you. Except now you’re you with a million dollars or a gold medal or a hot spouse or an office on the top of the building. And what you missed on your journey to get these things was your own gradual transformation. Your evolution.

We can put in the work and enjoy the ride; or we can reassure ourselves that our ‘best life’ is whatever everyone else says it should be. The choice is yours. But remember what the psychologist Erich Fromm said: “The quest for certainty blocks the quest for meaning.”

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Like to read and write? Here are 5 books to base your life on, plus 11 writing lessons from iconic authors.

This article originally ran on MySTL

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Adam Wayne saw things differently as he walked through the woods three years ago.

He had been laid off from his job after damaging his hand in a workplace accident — he still has the scars as reminders. The father of a four-year-old girl, he was restless and disheartened. But he was always comforted by the simplicity of nature, and it was there that he saw life through a new lens. Branches seemed to reach out to him, colors became bright and vivid.

But he soon realized it wasn’t just nature that he was seeing differently.

After years of manual labor, Adam Wayne now saw his path winding in a new direction, one that bent towards creative expression. He wanted to capture and preserve this inspiration, and what better way to do so than through photography? His decision was made. Unfortunately, he didn’t have experience. Or a camera.

At the time, Adam was no stranger to challenges. He had confronted  unemployment, a serious injury, and fatherhood. Learning photography was the least of his worries. After scraping together some cash, Adam purchased a Canon PowerShot sx530, a relatively cheap camera, and definitely not “professional” by most photographers’ standards. But from the moment he broke the seal on the package, it was never about the device. It was about what he could capture with it.

“Most people would see a tree and think it would make for a cool picture. But I thought, ‘What if I got in the tree and took a shot that nobody else could think of?’”

This imagination would ultimately define his photography.

Adam started taking as many pictures as he could without even bothering to open the manual that came with his camera. He posted his best work on Instagram, mainly for his personal pleasure. But not long after, his follower count surged into the thousands. How was it that this man, with no experience and a cut-rate camera, was drawing more attention than photographers with equipment worth as much as a car?

“Most of the people who have this camera don’t take photography seriously, so they don’t really know how to use it,” he says, laughing.

Self-taught and with a chip on his shoulder, it’s Adam’s minimalist approach to photography that appeals to so many viewers. To this day, he uses nothing besides the camera he bought three years ago. No tripod. No lights. No Photoshop. It’s his one-of-a-kind twist on otherwise mundane things that compensates for going without the frills. Retailers often try persuading him to upgrade his camera, but he just smiles and politely declines.

“Depriving myself of all the fancy equipment and software forces me to get more creative,” he explains. “All that’s important is loving what I’m capturing and doing it in a way that nobody else can replicate.”

Adam isn’t fazed by state-of-the-art drone photography, high-end cameras, or photographers with academic degrees in the arts. He’s just focused on what fulfills him, and that seems to be more than okay with everyone else. FOX 2 News has recognized Adam as one of the ten best photographers in St. Louis, his pictures have been featured in several local news publications, and his follower count on Instagram is climbing towards 14,000. He tells compelling visual stories, juxtaposing raw nature with refined urban structures.

Many of Adam’s photographs feature his hand, but a closer look reveals that it’s always his left one. While this may seem trivial, it’s how he instills purpose into his art: Adam damaged his right hand in the accident that cost him his job, but showcasing his left hand serves as a reminder, if only to himself, that a tragedy always opens the door for new opportunities. What’s more, the left arm is a direct path to the heart.

It may have taken him 35 years to discover his calling, but that’s only one more reason not to spend too much time looking in the rearview mirror.

So, if you’re out exploring Downtown St. Louis, be on the lookout for Adam Wayne: the guy with nothing but a scratched up Canon PowerShot and a wild imagination.

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