I loved track and field.  And I still do.  Twelve years of the sport pushed me to my mental and physical limits and taught me resilience and patience along the way.  It brought me respect, records, a state championship, countless memories, and the opportunity to compete at the highest level of collegiate athletics.

But the sport also brought me pain: frayed cartilage, two hip surgeries, fractured bones, and torn muscles.  It brought me stress and anxiety, and it took me longer than it should have to realize that track had completed its role in my life.

It was not until I came across this quote that I was able to take my mind out of the gutter and see my situation for what it was:

“If you cannot reasonably hope for a favorable extrication, do not plunge deeper. Have the courage to make a full stop.” – Alexander Hamilton

At the end of my career I was fighting for honor’s sake – to say I completed four years as a Division I athlete.  I went to practice every day and pretended everything was fine.  But I hated it.  It didn’t matter that I could only give eighty percent effort, it was a status symbol to be an athlete at a major school.

I was ashamed to admit to others (besides those closest to me who knew something was off) the truth that I was done.  What would my coaches, relatives, and friends think if I bailed out on my goals and my identity that I carried with me for the past twelve years?

Here’s what I concluded: the people that need validation, the people that allow their identity to be defined by others, the people that can’t accept their fate, they are amateurs.  Professionals, on the other hand, live fulfilling lives, and they know when to cut their losses.

It was mentally and physically unhealthy for me to keep running track.  My recovery had plateaued, and it was clear I wouldn’t reach my ideal performance level.  At the same time, I was missing opportunities to learn about life outside the bubble of sports.  I am in no way shaming college athletics (as many others have); however, I can’t stress enough the importance of being objective and cooperating with the inevitable, especially when your wellbeing is in the balance.

I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t scared to quit.  There is always a fear of the unknown, a need for certainty.  But that need for certainty is dangerous.  It prevents us from exploring and living up to our potential.  I can now say with confidence that I have improved as a person since my decision.

I have no regrets.  If anything, I’m relieved and energized.  Where I once feared would be a gaping hole in my life has turned into a wealth of opportunity.  Since stepping away from track, I’ve been hired by two amazing companies, and made great strides toward my future career.  I’ve also developed my faith life, and grown closer to my family and friends.

The hardest part of the last two years was not the hours of grueling rehab or the workouts that caused so much untold pain.  Instead, it was the psychological effects that almost broke me.  It was one thing to battle physically to get back to my old self.  It was another matter, however, to admit to myself that I could only fake it for so long before everyone realized that I wouldn’t be the runner I used to be.  Only then could I accept it was time to move on and find my worth somewhere else.

If you find yourself in a situation similar to mine, here’s my advice: you won’t die if you cling to attachments that are toxic.  In fact, there are many people who live their lives hanging on to everything because they can’t swallow their own pride.  But you’ll be a hell of a lot happier when you decide to take a step back, discard your unsolvable problems, and take back control of your life.  Trust me.

“The weak never give way when they ought to.” – Jean François Paul de Gondi

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Dominic Vaiana studies writing and media strategy at Xavier University.  He founded a campus newspaper and later went on to advise, ghostwrite, and edit for colleagues and startups.  His biweekly newsletter with his personal articles, essays, interviews, and book recommendations, can be found here. For any questions or comments, email dominicvaiana@gmail.com.

“Whatever problem you’re struggling with is probably addressed in some book somewhere written by someone a lot smarter than you.”  -Ryan Holiday

Reading isn’t fun when it’s mandatory, but when we shift our perspective on reading from a chore to a personal investment, something clicks.

I’d be lying if I said I haven’t been embarrassed to be “that guy” that sits in the library and reads, but that’s changed over time. Reading is a regular part of my routine, just like sleeping or eating. Books offer a window to perspectives and insights that simply can’t be absorbed in a classroom, on TV, or online.

I promise, once you start you won’t be able to stop, and your life will never be the same. Anyway, here are my top five books to base your life on.

The 48 Laws of Power by Robert Greene

The first of five renowned works by Greene, The 48 Laws of Power is the ultimate guide to social intelligence, carving out a path in a hostile world, obtaining power, and defending against it. It’s grounded in a wealth of research spanning three thousand years, and its lessons have influenced millions from multi-platinum artists to Super Bowl champions.

Fun fact: aside from the Bible, The 48 Laws of Power is the most-requested book by prison inmates.

The Obstacle is the Way by Ryan Holiday

At the age of 29, Ryan Holiday’s insight into the human condition is remarkable. The underlying theme of his book is inspired by Stoic philosophy (I know it sounds boring, but it’s refreshingly simple): we don’t always control our circumstances, but we can control how we respond. If you’re demoralized or stuck, this is the blueprint for clarifying your perceptions and ending the pity party. The Obstacle is the Way is a much-needed gem in a culture saturated with self-help gurus.

Fun fact: The Obstacle is the Way was read by the majority of the New England Patriots players and coaches during their 2015 Super Bowl Championship season.

Man’s Search for Meaning by Viktor Frankl

If there’s anyone that can answer the question “What is the meaning of life?” it’s this guy. A psychiatrist and a Holocaust survivor, Frankl wrote this profound book to demonstrate how each person can find a purpose and find meaning even in the direst circumstances. If he could answer these questions while suffering through a concentration camp, I think you can, too.

 

The Icarus Deception by Seth Godin

Seth Godin is normally associated with his business and marketing skills, but the lessons of this book can and should be applied to every walk of life.  Godin challenges us to reconsider the old rules: get a degree, find an institution, land a safe job, and stay in your comfort zone. Instead, Godin argues that our connection economy rewards art, not compliance. Not necessarily fine art, but our own creative work, whatever that may be. If you disdain the 9-5 life, this book is for you.

 

On the Shortness of Life by Seneca

I’ve never read a philosophy book as applicable to 21st century life as this. Seneca’s advice on wealth, jealously, power, and happiness are as useful today as they were when he was advising  his students in Ancient Greece:

 “Envy you’ll escape if you haven’t imposed yourself on other people’s notice, if you haven’t flaunted your possessions, if you’ve learned to keep your satisfaction to yourself.”

Don’t expect your typical philosophical text when you read this. It’s short, easy to understand, and will leave you with a deeper appreciation for life after reading it.

I hope these books impact you as much as they impacted me. They are life changing, and will lead you to discover others that are equally compelling.

In 2009, Ryan Holiday purchased a series of billboards scattered throughout Los Angeles to promote his client Tucker Max’s film “I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell,” but this was no typical publicity campaign.  Shortly after they were put up, Holiday defaced the very billboards he purchased with obscene, 2-foot-long stickers implying that Max have something despicable done to his genitals.

After snagging a few photos of his pseudo-vandalism, Holiday emailed the pictures under a fictional name to two local blogs saying, “Good to know Los Angeles hates Tucker Max, too.”

“You’re not lying, are you,” the blogger asked.

“Trust me,” Holiday replied, “I’m not lying.”

The subsequent backlash and barrage of tweets and Facebook protest groups resulting from Holiday’s act gained significantly more publicity for the movie than any billboard could have done alone.

This is one of several eccentric publicity stunts that Ryan Holiday features in his controversial book “Trust Me I’m Lying: Confessions of a Media Manipulator.”  But it’s more than a playbook for swindling the media.  Holiday acts as a whistleblower, pulling back the curtain on modern media and exposing its corruption.

While Holiday describes how he lied, cheated and bribed the media to promote his clients, TMIL provides a brutally honest but vital look into the complex world of online media that’s increasingly dominating the fields of PR, advertising and strategic communication.

So what can you learn from TMIL that isn’t covered in your communications classes?

A common trend exists to think of public relations as some vague, corporate term that involves billion dollar companies paying big bucks to firms that protect their reputation.  But, as you will quickly learn from Holiday, the paradigm has shifted.

In a culture where journalists and bloggers are slaves to money and page views, Holiday argues that “news” can be created based on tips from manipulators like himself.  The stories that will generate the most clicks, which inevitably make cash, are the ones that get published.

It’s a disturbing thought for PR practitioners: your client loses millions of dollars because of a malicious rumor started by a tipster looking for a big scoop and a quick dollar.

The web has enabled virtually anyone to pull the levers of blogs and news sites to twist what we read and watch.  With the mass media no longer being the main conductor of news, we are forced to adapt to this chaotic environment which requires skill to navigate.

At the least, TMIL will challenge your presumptions about how publicity and news are generated.  It also serves as a sharp reminder that the media is a pliable, workable substance that can and is easily manipulated.

Although it’s not often that a Wall Street Journal bestseller needs any additional publicity, TMIL is an exception.  This book is indispensable for anyone in the communications field.  Whether you simply want to be informed or actually use Holiday’s tactics for your own benefit is up to you.

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Dominic Vaiana studies writing and media strategy at Xavier University.  He founded a campus newspaper and later went on to advise, ghostwrite, and edit for colleagues and startups.  His biweekly newsletter with his personal articles, essays, interviews, and book recommendations, can be found here. For any questions or comments, email dominicvaiana@gmail.com.